Happy hour. Every hour.

At the office this morning, a patient came in for some blood work that required him to be fasting prior to the appointment. When the nurse asked him if he had anything to eat or drink today, he replied, "no food... but I had a drink." And he smiled through a red face, wreaking of alcohol. Some people are just amazing. Did I mention it was about 11am?

Poo package.

After working at two different medical offices as a receptionist, I've learned to keep a bottle of hand sanitizer handy for when a patient comes in to drop off a small, thick, warm envelope to take to the lab. I call this the poo package. I always wonder how they go about it. Do they fish it out of the toilet? Do they do it like a piss test, hovering over a small cup, hoping it doesn't land on their hands? Or maybe they do it outside and collect from there. Why do I think about these things?

Not fly.

I cut someone off this morning only to find that they were on their way to church as well. For once, I felt the need to go to confession. Terrible. Then again, I was signaling. It's not my fault they were assholes and sped up when I wanted to get over.

Speaking of church, though, there's always something that makes me smile at church. Today, I was glazing over the communion lines when I spotted a bowl cut! It was amazing. Blonde highlights in his jet black hair, too. And it was so thick! This thing had volume to it! There it was... flopping about proudly. I guess this guy didn't get the memo that it's 2008 already. Why do I pick on people with terrible hair?

A loving gesture.

I woke up to laughter downstairs...

Papa: These orchids made me think of you because you're temperamental and moody, and orchids are moody.

Mama: (angry) How could you turn these sweet flowers into something so insensitive!? Blah blah blah blah blahhh...

Sister: Mom, you're supposed to laugh! You just proved his point!

Papa: ...These orchids made me think of you because you're beautiful and so are they.

Mama: It's too late!... [starts to laugh]

Papa: [massages mom's temples] This is how the Mexicans do it.

What the random?!

I love my family.

"Can I have it?"

It's funny when people get mad when they don't get what they want from you... but you don't even owe them a damn thang!

CASE 1:

Yesterday at the mall, this Andre the Giant's little brother lookin chump was lingering around me while I was shopping and I brushed it off thinking he was waiting around for his girlfriend because what idiot hangs around Papaya to hit on girls? Obviously this one. He paces around a bit more before he decides to come up to me and ask "excuse me, maam, can I have your phone number please?" Rejected with no hesitation. "Why not? You got a boyfriend?" "No, I just don't give my number out." (Lies.) He walks away. "Your loss," as he turns back to give me this look like I really was missing out. Ha. Loser. Ok first of all, homeboy, you are not even cute. Second, how are you gonna come at me out of nowhere, asking for my number when we made no conversation to possibly compensate for your physical inadequacies? It was just amusing that he left the store still thinking he was a G. And I spotted a Harry Potter lookin wingman by the entrance. Icing on the cake. Killed me.

CASE 2:

Leaving the mall, there was boy hanging around the vending machines with a piece of paper, looking like he was trying to solicit something. He stops me while I'm on the phone with mother dearest. "Excuse me, miss. Sorry to interrupt you, but would you be willing to donate some money for basketball uniforms?" as he glares at my shopping bag. "Aww I'm sorry! I don't have any money on me! I would if I did, though." His face turns sour, and in an accusatory tone as I'm walking away he mutters "whateva" like I was lying to him or something. I mean... I really did have an empty wallet on me!

People are so silly sometimes.